I'll Keep Singing This Lie If You'll Keep Believing It
by ProfessionalAshes0fRoses
Summary: Jeff has tried his best to keep a certain secret from his boyfriend, but eventually Nick gets tired of the secrets and forces Jeff to tell him.
1. Chapter 1

**I'll Keep Singing This Lie If You'll Keep Believing It**

 **A/N: Welcome to a new story! My original intent for this story was to basically have the same plot as I Wanna See Your Real Smile because I like the idea behind it but the actual writing is shit. Well, it turned into something else that I like better. You will probably notice some slightly similar themes if you've read the other story, and if you haven't read it please for the love of god don't because the writing in that story makes me want to claw my eyes out of my skull. In a way I'm grateful that I started writing when I was younger (even though the writing itself is very cringe-worthy) because I stuck with it and I'm a better(ish) writer** **because of it. Anyway, I hope my old readers enjoy this and maybe if you're a new reader this story will catch your attention. Enjoy!  
**  
 **Warnings for a lot of swearing, sexual-ish content but not really, drama, angst, and jokes about Donald Trump's hair.  
**

* * *

"No Nick, mustard is the most disgusting thing in the entire world. It tastes like shit."

Nick rolled his eyes fondly. "Tell me Jeffery how do you know what shit tastes like?"

Jeff smiled devilishly. "I've kissed you, remember?"

"Ooooh," Nick laughed. "You must be proud of that one you shit head." Nick pushed Jeff down on their bed and sat on his legs. "Say you're sorry you meanie."

Nick and Jeff had a very interesting relationship, and they fucked around with each other like this all the time. It was all in good fun, and Nick knew not to take Jeff too seriously when it came to the banter.

But in that moment something clicked inside of Jeff and Nick saw panic flash across his eyes. "Nick get off, please!" he cried.

The second Nick realized Jeff was panicking he got off of him. "Baby I'm sorry, I was just playing around. What was that about?"

Jeff shook his head and wiped away the tears that frustratingly managed to break through. "Nothing, I'm sorry that I yelled at you," Jeff whispered, getting up.

"No Jeff, baby please tell me. You can't have a reaction like that and just expect me to drop it," Nick begged, following Jeff. "Jeff has somebody ever hurt you?"

Jeff shook his head quickly. "Nick it's not like that, not like you mean. Look I don't want to talk about it, okay?"

Nick turned Jeff around and made the younger look at him. "Jeffery please tell me," he pleaded, looking Jeff in the eyes.

Jeff refused to look Nick in the eyes and he tried to pull away.

"Jeff," Nick said sternly.

Jeff started crying when Nick wouldn't let him go. "Nick please drop it," he begged with tears falling down his face.

Nick's face softened and he pulled Jeff into a hug. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. You don't have to tell me. Calm down. I love you."

"I love you too," Jeff whispered. They dropped it for the rest of the night.

* * *

Nick and Jeff had known each other since high school and they started dating towards the end of their sophomore year. They were in college now and still happily together.

But Nick noticed funny things about Jeff. There were certain things he was closed off about. It didn't makes sense.

"Have I mentioned how much I can't stand my parents?" Nick groaned.

"I fucking hate my parents," Jeff mocked in the most dramatic impression of an angsty teenager. "But no, what is it now?"

"My mom just called me. She scheduled a dentist's appointment for me, it's on Thursday. Not that I care but for god's sake, I'm almost 19. I can make my own dentist's appointment," Nick complained.

Jeff flinched and started to grow fidgety and uncomfortable, and Nick didn't understand why.

"You okay?"

Jeff nodded quickly and tried to compose himself. "Yeah, I'm just tired," he excused lamely. He smiled reassuringly at Nick. "Stop complaining, she just cares about you. Now I'm going to take a shower, I have class in an hour."

Nick grinned cheekily. "Mind if I join?"

Jeff shook his head. "Not right now mister," he said, locking the bathroom door behind him.

"Tease!" Nick shouted.

* * *

A few weeks later they were at some frat party, and they'd been drinking a little because you know college. Nick hadn't drank a lot because he was keeping an eye on Jeff and letting him have a little fun, and Jeff was the most adorable drunk he'd ever seen. Jeff was so drunk right now that everything was hilarious and he was laughing his ass off.

"Jeff you're ridiculous, you remind me of one of those hyenas from The Lion King."

Apparently that statement in itself was hilarious because Jeff was laughing so hard that he couldn't breathe. "Nicky stop it or I'm gonna throw up on you!" Jeff warned in between laughs.

Nick just shook his head. "That wasn't even that funny you nut. You're so fucking drunk right now, what am I going to do with you?" He looked his adorable drunken boyfriend over and just smiled fondly. "You know I think I like drunk Jeff. He doesn't care about what anyone thinks of him. This is the only time I ever see you laugh without covering your mouth."

Jeff stopped laughing and frowned a little.

"Aw no what's wrong baby?"

Jeff shook his head and started crying a little. "I don't like it."

"Nooo honey what don't you like? Don't cry you're okay," Nick said, pulling Jeff onto his lap. "I think we should leave soon honey."

"My smile. Yours is so pretty and perfect. I don't like mine."

Nick frowned. "Well I promise you that I love your smile a lot. It's unique and cute, nobody else has one like yours. Besides, who said you had to have straight teeth to have a pretty smile? That's stupid."

"Nuuu, I still don't like it," Jeff argued.

"You know you could get braces, or something like that. Invisalign, or braces on the back of your teeth so nobody can see. You should be able to feel comfortable with yourself honey," Nick suggested.

Jeff shook his head. "No Nicky, that's scary."

"No it's not you goof. I could go with you if you wanted."

Jeff started crying again. "No Nick."

"Alright, alright. Never mind. Let's get back to our apartment, I think you've had enough to drink for tonight."

He dropped that too. Nick helped Jeff back to the car and they went to sleep. Jeff didn't even remember their conversation the next day.

* * *

Nick loved Jeff to pieces but he was a very strange creature. Sometimes weird things would make him upset or put him in a foul mood, but he refused to talk about it. He was usually an adorable ball of sunshine and cute hand-muffled giggles. Jeff was generally a very happy person but when his down spells hit they hit hard, and Nick noticed.

"Jeff c'mon baby what's wrong? I tell you everything but you keep so much shit to yourself. Communication is supposed to be a two way street and I want you to come to me, you know? Please tell me what's up."

Jeff shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it. It's stupid and you're not going to understand, nobody does. It doesn't matter, alright? Let's just drop it, please."

"What does that even mean? What won't I understand, Jeff?"

"Nick," Jeff begged, trying to get him to stop talking about it.

"I'm not going to drop it, Jeffery. It's not fair that I tell you everything and you're still so closed off. You don't trust me and I need you to if you want this relationship to work."

"Nicky, please don't be like that. You know I trust you but it's something that I don't feel comfortable talking about; I don't talk about it," Jeff struggled to explain.

"Then make an exception, for me. Please honey. It's bothering you and I want to help." Nick pulled Jeff into his lap and pulled him close. "I'll tell you anything you want to know about myself if you tell me about what's bothering you, okay?"

Jeff gave into Nick's hold and snuggled into him, feeling safe and protected. He was like a cat because he melted right into physical affection. "That's not a fair deal, you already tell me everything."

Nick laughed. "I know. How about you take a page from my book?" he suggested sarcastically.

"Nicky can we just cuddle?" Jeff pleaded.

"Only if you tell me about the thing," Nick countered.

Jeff was getting desperate to avoid this conversation, so he decided to pull the sexy times card. He turned over in Nick's lap so he was facing him and started kissing his lips, it quickly grew heated because he needed Nick to get distracted. Jeff slid his tongue into Nick's mouth after a few sweet kisses and they both started breathing heavy. It worked for about a minute and a half.

"Mmmm... Jeff," Nick pulled away despite himself. "Seriously, we need to talk. You're not going to get out of this by being cute."

Jeff pouted, looking genuinely hurt. "Something else tells me that talking about my feelings isn't at the top of your to-do list right now. I'm sitting on your lap, remember? I can feel your-" he didn't get the chance to finish that statement because Nick cut him off.

"I'm serious you sexy little shit. Talk now, sexy times later. Got it?" It took quite a bit of self control but Nick pushed Jeff off of his lap.

"If you drop it I'll give you a blow job."

"Jeff!" Nick scolded. "I'm. Serious."

Jeff sighed. These tactics weren't going to work. Time to lie. "I um... I just had a rough day, alright? I'm struggling with my math class and it's stressing me out."

Nick studied his boyfriend's face closely. "I know you're bad at math but that's not what this is about. I can tell you're lying to me Jeff. Just tell me the truth, please? Tell me and I'll stop bugging you about it."

"Ugh," Jeff groaned. "No you won't. It'll only give you more reason to bug me. If I tell you you are not allowed to bug me about it, not even a little. Pinky swear?" he held out his pinky in similar style to a child.

Nick looked at Jeff skeptically but interlocked his pinky with Jeff's in a pinky swear. Only Jeff didn't see that he crossed his fingers behind his back, it didn't count now. If Jeff was going to be childish enough to make him pinky swear then he was allowed to cross his fingers and invalidate the pinky swear. "Alright, I pinky swore. Now spill."

Jeff crossed his arms. "Nicky you're gonna make fun of me."

"I won't Jeff, I promise," Nick assured. They went back and forth a few times, Jeff making more excuses and Nick assuring him they weren't valid.

"Ugh! Fine. Fine. It's stupid... but um... one of my..." Jeff started.

"One of your what, Jeff?" Nick inquired.

"One of my teeth," Jeff divulged in distress. Well there was no taking it back now, he said it. Before Nick could say anything Jeff explained further. "It kind of hurts a tiny bit, but it's fine. I'm fine. It's not even that bad and honestly it could be worse, and I mean it'll go away and it's not a big deal. It doesn't matter, alright? I don't want to talk about it anymore. End of discussion. You pinky swore you wouldn't bug me about it and now you have to leave me alone." Jeff's face was red from embarrassment and he was flustered. He didn't want Nick to get a word in, he didn't want to hear what he had to say. Nick opened his mouth like he was going to say something but Jeff cut him off. "Seriously, I don't want to talk about it. Please don't say anything, I don't want to hear anything you have to say. I'm gonna go take a shower now." He tried to get up to avoid the rest of this conversation, but Nick followed him.

"Hey! Jeff, calm down please. I won't say anything about it but you look like you're going to have a panic attack. Look at how badly you're shaking. Come here, sit down for a minute." Nick pulled Jeff back to the sofa and made him sit down. "Calm yourself you cute little nut. Now tell me what's wrong."

Jeff felt a little better once Nick said he wouldn't say anything about it, but he had a feeling that wouldn't last long. "Nothing's wrong," he sniffled.

"Are you crying?"

"Maybe."

Nick ran his hands through Jeff's hair to make him feel better. "Jeff why is a toothache such a big deal? Just make a den-"

Jeff shivered involuntarily. "Niccckkk, noooo. You said you wouldn't bug me about it, you pinky swore."

"I crossed my fingers. It doesn't count," Nick grinned sheepishly. He made Jeff look at him. "Look. This isn't a big deal. I'll make the appointment for you myself."

Jeff shook his head, trying his best not to start crying again. "You will not," he said sternly.

"Why not, Jeff?"

"Because Nick, I'm scared. Haven't you caught onto that by now?" Jeff tried to get him to understand.

"Well I'm scared of spiders and I still kill them for you, you know? I learned to deal with it," Nick reasoned.

"No Nick, this isn't comparable to that. I have a phobia, it's not that simple. In psychology a phobia is classified as such if it significantly impacts your life, like if you avoid certain situations or uh, places, because of it. It's by definition a phobia so I can't just brave through this because that's not how it works." Jeff was trying hard to make Nick understand.

"Alright. I understand. How can I help?" Nick asked genuinely.

"You can't. I don't want your help. Not to sound harsh but I don't want to deal with this. That's why I didn't want to tell you, because I knew you'd want to help."

Nick furrowed his brows. "But you have to. Not to be the bear of bad news but if it's a cavity it's just going to get worse over time and hurt more. It's not going to go away you know. Teeth don't heal."

"Yeah, thanks for that reminder," Jeff grunted. "I know how it works, Nick. But I don't care. It'll be fine."

"It won't be fine until you deal with it, Jeffery. You're being ridiculous. It's literally just going to get worse and if you wait too long you could need a root canal or lose your tooth altogether. Do you really want that?"

"Of course I don't Nick, but you don't understand how hard this is for me. Now stop, you're scaring me."

Jeff was trembling again and Nick felt bad. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "Let's talk about this. Why are you so scared?"

"Dunno," Jeff mumbled.

"You're lying but whatever, don't tell me. You have to get this checked out either way. I'll schedule you an appointment with my dentist. Just to see what's going on, alright?" Nick offered.

"No Nick," Jeff said sternly. "Have you not been listening? I don't want to deal with this."

"As a matter of fact I have been. You say that you have a phobia, and the way to cure a phobia is to introduce you to it in small steps. I'll even go with you, okay? It's easy. Let's just start out with a check up," Nick reasoned.

"Dammit Nick I said no," Jeff snapped. He hardly ever got angry so that outburst was unexpected. "I don't want your help. Don't do anything, I'm serious. I'll deal with it."

"If 'dealing with it' means avoiding it at all costs then yeah I'd say you're dealing with it pretty well," Nick inquired.

Jeff glared dangerously at his boyfriend. "I'm finished talking about it." He stood up.

Nick sighed. "Jeff, where are you going?"

"I don't know," he said, slamming the door to the apartment behind himself.

Nick didn't go after him. He thought about the situation for a few minutes before deciding that Jeff wasn't going to deal with this himself. He pulled out his phone and dialed a number. "Hi, I'd like to schedule an appointment."

* * *

Ever since Nick found out about Jeff's little issue Jeff stopped hiding how much pain he was actually in. This was somewhat a plus because that meant Jeff could complain endlessly, but the downside was it resulted in getting an earful from Nick.

Jeff was laying in Nick's lap on the sofa. "Nicky it hurts, and Advil isn't helping anymore," he pouted.

"It won't hurt anymore if you get it fixed," Nick inquired tiredly. He loved Jeff to death and genuinely felt bad for him, but the constant complaining was getting old and Jeff refused to even think about going to the dentist. Little did he know Nick already had the appointment in place, now it was just a matter of convincing him to go.

"Don't wanna," Jeff whined.

"You're not allowed to complain if you refuse to do anything about it," Nick stated sternly. "Jeff, you really need to consider getting this taken care of."

Jeff just shook his head and mashed his hand into his lower jaw area harder. At this point he was whimpering and crying and just all around miserable. "It's throbbing now and that doesn't mean anything good. It's definitely getting worse and I'm scared, Nicky."

Nick sighed, but ran a hand through Jeff's hair in attempts to make him feel a little better. "Please let me make you an appointment Jeff, before this gets any worse."

"It's already worse," Jeff added sadly.

"How about I make myself an appointment and you can watch, okay? You'll see this stuff isn't scary and it'll make you feel a little better. Then you'll be one step closer to getting your tooth fixed," Nick suggested. Jeff only shook his head again. "Damn you Jeff, come on I'm trying to help. Look, I just remembered I have a biannual appointment next week and I'm making you come with me."

"Nick, nooooo," Jeff whined. "I don't want to go with you. It's scary."

"It's not. Besides, I'll be the one in the chair. I'm not asking you to do anything but watch," Nick reasoned.

"I don't want to watch," Jeff continued. "Nick would you stop bugging me about it?"

"Hey, you're the one who brought this up. You were literally in my lap sobbing a few minutes ago." Nick thought for a second or so before getting an idea. "If you don't even try then I'm going to tell all of our friends about this and embarrass the shit out of you."

Jeff sat up and gaped. "Nick you would not!"

"I am so serious Jeffery. You have to at least try."

"You're essentially blackmailing me Nick! You can't do that!"

"I can and I will if you keep up this stubborn ass act. I'll post about it on Facebook or something and tell all of our friends to spam you," Nick said seriously.

"I hate you," Jeff grumbled with his arms crossed. "You wouldn't do it. You're not that mean and you know how embarrassing this is for me."

Nick raised his eyebrows in question before he took out his phone and started typing something. He pressed a few buttons and then set down his phone.

Jeff's eyes widened in horror when his phone buzzed. He looked at his notifications to find that Nick kept his word and tagged him in a status. "DAMMIT NICK DELETE IT RIGHT THIS SECOND YOU JACKASS!" He got up and tried to get Nick's phone from him, but Nick refused and it turned into a game of keep away.

"I'll delete it if you agree to come with me to my appointment," Nick said laughing as he continued to keep his phone from Jeff.

"It's not funny! Seriously Nick delete it!" It wasn't funny to Jeff in the slightest and at this point he was crying in a panic. "Nicky, please!" he begged.

Nick felt bad when Jeff started to cry but he wasn't giving up yet. "All you have to do is say you'll come with me Jeff."

"Fine!" Jeff agreed, he'd say anything to get Nick to remove the post at this point.

Nick smiled. "See? That wasn't so hard. I'll delete it now." He showed Jeff as he deleted the post. "You were the only person who could see the post by the way. I'm sorry I scared you. I'd never actually do something like that."

Jeff stopped crying but he was still pissy because of what just happened. "That was mean."

"I'm sorry. I'm a shit head, but if it means anything I really am trying to help." Nick scooted closer to Jeff on the sofa and put his head on his shoulder. "I love you," he said sweetly.

Jeff glared at Nick. "You're on my shit list," he countered, "but I still love you." No matter how angry Jeff or Nick were they always said I love you back. It was sort of their thing even though it was cheesy as hell. An 'I love you' was never left hanging in the air, even if it was a casual 'that's why I love you'. It was always said back no matter what.

"You're gonna be okay," Nick assured lamely.

"That reassurance sounds as fake as Donald Trump's hair."

Nick laughed lightly at Jeff's joke. "It's just the dentist Jeffery, I promise you'll be fine."

"Ugh, stop saying the word," Jeff whined.

"Are you serious? It's just a word. What else am I supposed to call it?"

"I don't know... torture dude seems reasonable. TD for short so other people don't know what we're talking about." Jeff decided.

"That's ridiculous Jeff, it's not torture. I'm not calling it that."

"You're boring. Fine. It can stand for tooth doctor, would that make you feel better?"

"You're still ridiculous. I'm calling it a dentist. Maybe if I say it enough you won't flinch every time you hear the word."

Jeff only responded by glaring at his boyfriend.

* * *

"Jeff c'mon, you said you'd come with me."

"Only because you blackmailed me," Jeff reminded.

"Blackmail with good intentions."

After some more arguing somehow Nick got Jeff in to the car and he started driving. "I'm sorry that you're so scared honey. Is there anything you want to ask me? Maybe I can make you feel a little better since I've been the bad guy lately."

"I don't know. Have you... um... this is kinda a weird question but have you ever had a cavity before?" Jeff asked sheepishly.

Nick thought for a moment. "Yeah I've had a couple in the past. I was young, like twelve or something. I remember my second set of molars came in sideways and I couldn't really clean them properly, so I had a cavity, or maybe it was two, maybe in both of the top ones. I can't remember, and the fillings are tooth-colored so I can't really tell. We can ask the dentist when we get there, that could be fun, right?"

Jeff was mildly interested in Nick's story but he didn't really say anything other than a quiet "oh."

"Why? Have you ever had any? I mean other than right now."

Nick's question was innocent but it made Jeff feel embarrassed and he turned bright red. "What I have right now isn't a cavity," he defended quickly, purposely avoiding the question he didn't want to answer. "Composites are stupid and they shrink sometimes when they aren't done in layers, and I kinda cracked my tooth because the filling shrunk and left the tooth unstable. I mean... it could be a cavity by now and maybe that's why it hurts so much, but it's not my fault, okay?! I don't have a cavity and if I do it doesn't count," Jeff babbled.

Nick laughed at Jeff's long-winded and dramatic response. "Composite? Is that what you call a filling?" he wondered, off topic.

"Not all of them, only the tooth-colored ones," Jeff answered. "Wait you don't know that? I thought that was common knowledge."

"Not really. You seem to have done your research, huh?"

"I know what they call tooth-colored fillings, that's not exactly impressive. It's just a word," Jeff defended.

"But you also talked about how those type of fillings shrink if they aren't done properly or something. You seem to know what you're talking about at least," Nick insisted.

Jeff shrugged. "I know what I'm talking about somewhat, I guess, but my knowledge in this field is limited. I probably don't know what I'm talking about, I'm just good at pretending I do." The two had been talking for quite a few minutes, but it didn't register with Jeff how long it had actually been until they started pulling into the building. "Shit we're here already?"

"Indeed. You'll be fine. Just follow me in here and I'll check in. This is so boring Jeff, seriously don't worry," Nick said, turning off the car.

Nick was downplaying this by a landslide, at least from Jeff's perspective. His stomach was turning aggressively in protest, he did not want to go in there. "Nick I can't go in there."

"Yes you can. You just walk in, one foot in front of the other. I thought you knew how to walk but if you forgot I can carry you if you'd prefer that." Apparently sarcasm wasn't the way to go because Jeff was glaring dangerously at Nick now. "Okay, sorry. Not the time for jokes. What's wrong Jeff? This really isn't a big deal."

Jeff understood that Nick was trying to help, but constantly invalidating his fears was only making him angry. "It is for me. This stuff freaks me out, I know you don't get that and I can't make you understand but what I'm feeling right now really sucks. All you're doing is making me feel worse, Nick."

Nick walked around and opened Jeff's door because he wouldn't get out. "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to make you feel worse. I don't understand what you're feeling, you're right, but I'm still here for you. But regardless of any of that, you still need to do this honey. Take my hand, you can hold my hand when we walk in."

Jeff looked reluctant but he took Nick's hand and let his boyfriend lead him inside. "Nick I feel like I'm gonna poo myself."

Nick muffled a laugh as they walked in. "Hold in your shit Jeffrey," he said quiet enough so that nobody else heard them.

"If I sneezed right now I'd poo," Jeff supplied.

"Jeff stoooppp talking about shit. I'm gonna check in, go sit down."

Jeff crossed his arms and sat down. He was trying to block out this entire situation, but his surroundings were slowly starting to sink in. He was sweating like a whore in church as everything around him started registering. The gross clinical smell was the first thing that hit him, he hadn't smelled it in a really long time but he recognized it the second it entered his nose. It didn't welcome fun memories either. He cringed at a certain memory he was trying to suppress. There was no way in fuck he'd be able to do this. By the time Nick sat back down next to him he was freaking out.

Nick put a hand on Jeff's knee. "Are you okay babe?" He noticed how badly he was trembling and frowned. "Hey you're okay, tell me what's wrong."

Jeff was simultaneously sweating and shivering hard, he looked like a mess. "You never bothered trying to make me talk about why I'm so scared. You never asked, you were too focused on making me do this to consider that maybe something traumatic has happened to me to make me like this. You don't know the half of it and what I've been going through for years because of shit like this," Jeff said in a harsh whisper. "I physically won't be able to do this. We need to leave."

Nick's face blanched. "But we're already here so you might as well try."

Jeff could have almost gone livid from how angry this was making him. Nick STILL wasn't hearing him. He was about to say something else but someone came from the back office and opened the door.

"Jeffery Sterling."

Jeff felt himself go weak and dizzy and he might have fainted if not for the anger that was keeping him distracted. He decided he was not going to do this no matter what Nick or anyone said, it was out of the books, not possible. No fucking way he was going back there.

He looked to Nick with an angry stare, who was diluted enough to think that they were still doing this. He stood up and was trying to get Jeff to come with him, grabbing his arm even and trying to say something. Jeff snatched his arm away. He didn't say anything as he calmly walked out of his personal hell and went to the car. Nick was trying to grab him and he was saying something, but Jeff kept snatching himself away and smacking Nick's hands when he tried to touch him.

"Jeff, honey please. I wasn't lying. I'll go first and show you that it's not bad. She just wants to talk first, okay? You can handle that, I know you can. My dentist is really nice I promise."

Jeff wordlessly walked out to the car and sat by the passenger's side door on the ground. Nick had the keys and he wasn't unlocking it.

"Jeff I'm not unlocking the door. You have to try," Nick said sternly.

"Then I guess we'll sit here all day," Jeff spat harshly. He had never been so angry in his entire life, he was shaking hard, completely soaking in his own anger. "You lied to me."

"I didn't."

"You did!" Jeff shouted, angry tears streaming down his face. "I trusted you and you lied to me! I was going to try, but now you've shown me I can't trust you. You've lost my trust. I'm not trying anymore. I'll let this stupid fucking tooth rot in my head, I don't care anymore." Jeff had his hands on both sides of his face and he stared down at the asphalt and watched his tears fall to the ground. He couldn't even look at Nick.

Nick could see how much of a mess Jeff was, but he wasn't giving up yet. He knew Jeff was mad, and he definitely seemed like the bad guy here but he was only doing this because he cared. He knew how much pain Jeff was in and he needed this taken care of. "Jeff please. I know your tooth hurts and this is the only way to make it stop. Now please get off of the ground and come inside."

Jeff refused to argue or even speak to Nick at this point and just kept shaking his head hard. Jeff didn't even care how embarrassing this was, how he was 19 and cowering outside of a dentist's office on the ground crying. Nick wasn't his mom and he couldn't get tired of his behavior and drag him inside, he was an adult now and he could say no. He could think for himself and he definitely wasn't going in there.

"Jeff please," Nick tested, trying to lay a hand on Jeff's shoulder.

Jeff swatted Nick's hand away again. "Don't touch me!"

"You're acting crazy," Nick said in exasperation, the frustration getting the better of him. He didn't know how to deal with this.

"Then maybe you should break up with me," Jeff said calmly, still staring at the ground. He couldn't stop himself from saying it and he was so angry that he didn't care.

Nick's face went pale and he gaped. "Jeff why would you say that?" he said in a soft voice.

"Because I'm acting crazy. I know you don't want to deal with me anymore and you're fed up, so just break up with me. Then I won't be your problem anymore." Jeff kept his impassive attitude as he spoke and still didn't look up.

Nick slow-blinked and deadpanned at his boyfriend who didn't even have the decency to look up at him. "Jeffery Anthony Sterling how dare you even think for a second that I'm going to break up with you in the parking lot of a damn dentist's office because you're scared. I'm frustrated and I'm kind of mad because you're outright refusing to cooperate, but I still love you and I would never abandon you. You know I love you and it hurts me that you'd even say something like that," Nick said in the most melodramatic, every cliché in a romantic movie, type of way. He had tears falling down his face and all. "I love you," Nick said softly.

Jeff blinked a few times because his dramatic ass was crying again, now he felt terrible for saying those things. He finally let his eye's meet Nick's. Nick was looking desperately at him, like he needed to hear the I love you; needed to know that Jeff still cared despite the anger and fear.

"I love you too," Jeff said softly. He felt bad for leaving it hanging in the air for so long. "You know that I still love you. I'm angry and scared, but I definitely didn't mean what I said. I'm sorry for being so dramatic."

Nick sat down next to Jeff on the ground and wrapped his arms around him, and they were both crying like the most dramatic saps in love ever.

Both of their heads popped up when they heard the sound of a throat being cleared. A woman in scrubs, who looked mildly uncomfortable, was the source of the sound. "Would you like to reschedule the appointment?" she asked awkwardly.

* * *

 **A/N: Hey guys! Whatcha think? I almost cut out the scene where Jeff was drunk because I felt like it was too similar to a scene in Party Poison (if you've read that story), but there was a small detail in that scene that I feel like is important and I didn't know how else to get it across. I feel like at that point in the story Jeff wouldn't have talked about his insecurities sober, and I get that the whole spills secret while drunk thing is a cliché in itself but this is fanfiction alright what do you expect. I don't know if I like how this turned out but I'm tired of rewriting and cutting out scenes. Do you guys like it so far? Leave me a review if you like it and want more :)**

 **PS. I had Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year stuck in my head the entire time I edited this chapter.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'll Keep Singing This Lie If You'll Keep Believing It**

 **A/N: to clear up any potential confusion, this chapter starts out with a flashback. I think I'm going to start out every chapter with a flashback, but I could also run out of ideas and drop that idea. We'll see. Also, credit to Meg for the flashback idea. Naturally once I give an idea thought I have to write it. It's just how I run shit man.**

 **Also, thank you for all of the wonderful feedback last chapter. I always love reading what you guys have to say. I'm sorry this took so long for me to write, but I wanted to get this chapter exactly right for you all. I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

"Who's ready to look like an idiot!?" Blaine sat a game down on the coffee table, looking excited.

"Well I guess the game was a waste of money because you always look like an idiot," Nick supplied with a smirk.

"Shut up Nick. Now you're the one that gets to go first. Okay so the objective of the game is to read a phrase off of a card and get us to understand what you're saying." Blaine opened the box and threw a plastic thing at Nick.

Jeff's stomach lurched in horror when he looked at the game. It was called "Watch Ya Mouth" and apparently there were cheek retractors involved. This was his literal nightmare. Nick seemed completely unaware of Jeff's distress and proceeded to put the cheek retractors in his own mouth, and the room erupted into laughter.

Nick looked to Jeff, seeking approval and maybe a laugh. Jeff choked out an uncomfortable laugh despite being genuinely horrified.

After a few good laughs and speech that was just barley audible Nick took out the ridiculous contraption so he could speak.

"Oh my god, Jeff you have to do it too." Nick grabbed one of the other cheek retractors and tried to put it in Jeff's mouth.

Jeff turned his head away quickly. "Nick no, I don't want to," he squeaked.

"Jeff c'mon, it's funny," Nick insisted. He wrapped his arms around Jeff and put his head on his shoulder. "Pleeeaaasssee."

Jeff felt lightheaded and dizzy as he tried to squirm out of Nick's hold. "Nick seriously I don't want to, please stop."

Nick clearly didn't catch onto how terrified Jeff actually was, he thought it was funny and Jeff was just being stubborn. So he tried to just put it in his mouth again, and he was almost successful because he got part of it in his mouth, and that's when Jeff lost it.

Jeff shoved Nick away hard in terror and knocked the stupid cheek retractors to the ground. He was breathing hard and was damn near close to hyperventilating.

"Hey!" Nick scolded lightly. "Jeff why did you do that?"

Everyone else in the room was looking at Jeff in confusion, looking for an explanation for the scene he just caused.

Jeff couldn't handle all of the questioning eyes on him. He stood up and left the room before anyone could say anything else and walked outside.

"I don't... I don't understand what just happened. I'm sorry, I'm gonna go check on him," Nick excused before running after Jeff.

Jeff was outside with his arms wrapped around himself and tears falling down his face. He knew he'd just embarrassed himself but he'd take that over everyone in the room seeing his teeth. He felt Nick put a hand on his shoulder and he flinched hard.

"Jeff why did you freak out like that, honey?" Nick asked gently.

Jeff just shook his head and continued to cry. Was Nick really that fucking oblivious? It didn't take a damn rocket scientist to figure this out. Jeff always covered his mouth when he laughed and never smiled with his teeth for pictures.

"Jeff please tell me," Nick pushed.

"Seriously Nick?" Jeff snapped in frustration. "Think about it."

"I don't understand, honey... you just flipped out on me and..." Nick trailed off. Then it hit him. He remembered what Jeff confessed to him that night when he was drunk and his face blanched. Now he felt terrible. He wrapped his arms around Jeff in a hug and started apologizing profusely. "Fuck, I'm sorry. Are you insecure about your teeth babe?"

Jeff didn't know about that stuff he told Nick that night, but just figured he had enough common sense to put two and two together. He flinched at what Nick asked. "I don't want to talk about it, alright?" he admitted indirectly. "But it's okay. I've never told you, it's not your fault you're so damn oblivious," Jeff laughed a little, hugging Nick back. "God, what are we going to tell them?"

"The truth?" Nick suggested dumbly.

"Nooo, I don't want them to know. It's none of their business."

"We'll tell them you're sick or something."

"Pffttt, because that definitely explains the scene I caused. Let's just leave. I'm thoroughly embarrassed at this point and I'm not going back in there." Secretly the events of the night had Jeff mentally drained and sad, and he just wanted to go home.

Nick nodded. He said a brief goodbye to his friends and grabbed his keys off of the coffee table. But on the ride back Jeff was really quiet. "What's on your mind, beautiful?" he asked.

Jeff shrugged lamely in response.

Nick frowned. "C'mon, talk to me. Are you upset about what happened tonight? I'm sorry that I put you in that situation honey."

"It's not that. It's just hard for me to relax and have a good time when I'm in a group of people because I feel like everyone's looking at me and I'm not allowed to laugh. Not just tonight, but most of the time. What happened tonight had a funny way of reminding me about it though. All of these carefree people with pretty smiles laughing feels like a punch in the gut, and it shouldn't be like that. I just want to be able to relax and not care so much about what other people think of me. I feel like I spend most of the time hiding," Jeff admitted, deciding to vent to his boyfriend for once instead of keeping it to himself.

Nick frowned at Jeff's confession. "Well I think your smile is pretty," he comforted lamely.

Jeff's face blanched. He understood that Nick was trying to make him feel better but Nick's words just made him regret his confession. Nick couldn't understand and this just made Jeff feel more alone. "Well I don't," Jeff deadpanned.

"Jeff, I'm not trying to be a dick here but if you're so self conscious why don't you just get braces or something? That's the only way to solve this. I can tell you that you're beautiful a million times but it won't matter if you don't believe it yourself," Nick reasoned.

Jeff felt tears starting to sting at his eyes. "I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm sorry that I brought it up."

Nick sighed. "Jeff, no. It's not like that. I don't want you to regret bringing these things up. I want you to talk to me," he countered. "Just know you never have to hide away with me. I love you the way that you are and I just want you to love yourself too. That's the only reason I said what I did. Not because the way your smile looks bugs me at all, but because I know you're never going to like that part of yourself. Do you get what I'm saying? I love you baby, so much. I'm sorry that I don't understand what you're going through."

Jeff's face softened a little. "I appreciate that and I love you too, but there's more to the story that makes this more complicated. I don't expect you to understand with your pretty smile and all. Damn you. You got naturally straight teeth and eyes that don't suck. I'm the unlucky bastard who got fucked up teeth and eyes that can't see for shit without help. Damn genetics."

"Hey, I earned my pretty smile. I had braces for like 3 years. This smile cost money, dude," Nick clarified.

Jeff laughed a little. "My bad. That must have been before I knew you. I just figured you had naturally straight teeth because they're kind of crooked at the bottom."

Nick gaped a little in offense. "Noooo they're not," he whined.

"Yes they are but it's okay, it's cute. It just means you don't wear your retainer like you should. I've never understood why people go through the trouble of braces just to stop wearing their retainer and have their teeth shift back. People like you are the reason permanent retainers exist," Jeff babbled.

"But retainers are stupid," was Nick's response.

"So is spending tons of money on straight teeth just to have them shift back."

"I forget to wear it sometimes," Nick defended lamely.

"Nick, I literally didn't even know you have a retainer so you clearly don't wear it, ever. Fix your life, man."

"You're one to talk."

Jeff just glared at Nick in response.

* * *

Both of their heads popped up when they heard the sound of a throat being cleared. A woman in scrubs, who looked mildly uncomfortable, was the source of the sound. "Would you like to reschedule the appointment?" she asked awkwardly.

Nick quickly wiped his dramatic love tears on the sleeve of his hoodie and stood up. "No, no. Please don't rescheduled the appointment. We want this one. I apologize for the um... slight delay. We're coming though."

Suddenly their little moment was over and Jeff shook himself back to reality, a rather unfortunate one. "We aren't coming. Cancel the appointment. Thanks," he said plainly.

"What? Jeff no, don't listen to him." Funny how Jeff didn't even pretend that he'd reschedule the appointment, he went right to cutting it altogether. Typical. This is why he wasn't allowed to have his way. "Please just give me 2 more minutes and we'll be in there. Is that okay?" Nick looked at the assistant pleadingly.

She furrowed her brows at the two in confusion but nodded. "I can give you 5 more minutes, tops. There are other patients waiting." Then she left.

"Please cancel the appointment!" Jeff tried again as she left but with no luck because she ignored him.

Nick scowled at Jeff. "You have a minute and a half to procrastinate and then we're going back inside."

Jeff sat back down in the parking lot and crossed his arms. "Nope."

Nick raised his eyebrows at Jeff and gaped as if he physically couldn't comprehend Jeff's childish behavior. "You've got to be kidding me. Jeff I will pick you up and bring you inside myself but I'd really prefer not to do that."

"I won't let you. I just want to leave Nicky," Jeff begged, giving his boyfriend big puppy dog eyes as if they would accomplish anything.

Nick was beyond frustrated at this point but he somehow mustered up some sympathy. "I know you want to leave Jeff, but that won't solve anything. If I let you leave then your tooth will still hurt when we get home. It's not going to go away and you know that. Just try. Talk to my dentist and if you absolutely can't stand her then I promise we can leave."

"No, because if I talk to her she'll want to look at my teeth and then she'll want to treat any issues and I can't deal with that."

"You say that like it's a bad thing. I promise it's not. I'll go first, okay? She's really nice and reasonable and I don't mind. Please for the love of god work with me Jeff. I need you to do this for me because running from this isn't an option anymore," Nick pleaded. He crouched down to Jeff's level and looked him in the eyes. "Do you trust me?"

Jeff was dead set on going home. He knew damn well if he talked to the dentist that he'd get suckered into doing other things because it was too embarrassing not to. Sure, he was acting like a giant kid now but he wasn't going to get in there and act like this. He was a reasonable human being, he'd only try to pull this shit with Nick. Which is exactly why he couldn't go in there because this was the only option he had to get out of the situation. So he continued to shake his head and resist as much as he could, refusing to give Nick any sign that he would cooperate.

Nick was slowly starting to grow impassive towards Jeff's distress. He tried to be a sweet understanding boyfriend but it wasn't getting him anywhere. Jeff wouldn't do this unless Nick interfered, and giving up wasn't an option. Maybe what he was about to do was harsh but it was for the greater good. Nick grabbed both of Jeff's wrists and pulled him off of the ground despite Jeff putting all of his weight in the opposite direction.

Jeff saw it in Nick's face the instant he started thinking with his brain instead of his heart. His face drained of emotion and grew stern, and then he made a quick move and grabbed Jeff. He wasn't quick enough to get away but Jeff damn sure tried his best not to move from his spot on the ground, but Nick was stronger.

"Dammit Nick let go of me!" Jeff shouted. "I will NEVER forgive you if you do this," he tried desperately. _I'll break up with you._ The threat crossed Jeff's mind and he almost said it out loud, but he didn't. That was too far.

"Jeff, I'll never forgive you if you don't ease up and just fucking get this shit over with," Nick bit out in frustration. He successfully got Jeff off of the ground and held him in place by putting a hand on both of his shoulders. "Listen to me. You are going to walk in there with me like an adult and stop this nonsense or I swear to god I'll sling you over my shoulder like a little kid and make you. It's over. Those are your options."

Jeff's entire body trembled with an unhealthy mix of anger and fear; his eyes watered because his body physically couldn't contain it anymore. He was exasperated and almost ready to give up, but he was too stubborn to accept defeat even though he knew he wasn't going to win. "No," he spat.

Nick was done. That was Jeff's last chance, he wasn't debating anymore. He took Jeff's wrists again and pulled him inside.

Jeff protested loudly and tried to pull himself away but he wasn't strong enough. He tried desperately to get away up until they were right by the door and the embarrassment set in. Then he gave up.

The receptionist saw them come back in and she quickly went into the back and retrieved the assistant, who followed her back out. The assistant smiled warmly at them. "Ready to come back?"

Nick answered for them and said yes, and the assistant nodded and started leading them back but Jeff was lagging behind. Nick had to push him gently.

Jeff's stomach lurched in horror when he realized what was happening and he started to grow weak and dizzy. He clung onto Nick tightly as everything started to grow fuzzy. "Nick I'm gonna faint."

"Jeff you'll be fine-" Nick figured Jeff was being dramatic until he started to go down. Nick went down with Jeff to prevent him from hitting his head. After the initial shock he looked up to the assistant and commented, "I guess he wasn't kidding."

The assistant looked pretty distressed, Nick assumed she was new or something and never encountered something like this. "He does this a lot. Once he fainted in a damn haunted house and hit his head. He's like one of those goats that faint when you yell at it. In retrospect I should have taken him seriously when he said he'd faint."

"I'm gonna go get the doctor," the assistant said before quickly scurrying away.

Jeff started to come to after a few seconds of being out, no more than 30 seconds or so. "Hello lovely. Don't worry you didn't hit your head. I've got you."

When Jeff came to his vision was fuzzy and he didn't know where he was, however it came rushing back to him pretty quickly and he tried to get up. It didn't work though because he was still too weak and dizzy, so the attempt was useless.

Right on cue the dentist came down the hall following the assistant. "Uh oh, let's get him into a room and get his feet elevated. Nick did he hit his head?"

"No, he's alright. I made sure he didn't hit his head." Nick helped pull Jeff off of the floor and got him into the directed room.

"Nick, bring him in here. Anyway, hi Jeff, I'm Dr. Rivera. I'm really sorry that you fainted. We need to lay you back for a minute so that the blood can get back to your head and you don't faint again, but after that I'll give you some water and we'll talk a bit. Does that sound okay?"

Jeff was helplessly at the mercy of Nick because he was still too weak to fight back, the fainting spell left him almost too weak to walk on his own. He felt dread crawl into his stomach when they entered the exam room, but that quickly flipped into panic once he was in the chair and they started to lay him back. This was happening way too fast and he felt trapped. In his panic he grabbed onto Nick's forearm and tried to stop his body from laying down flat.

"Stop it. I'm okay, please. I can sit up," Jeff pleaded. He managed to pull himself up with great effort, but the act made him dizzy again and his head was spinning.

Nick pushed him back down. "Jeff baby, you can't even see straight. Lay down for a minute. You're okay." He held onto both of Jeff's hands and tried to comfort his distressed boyfriend, but it didn't seem to do much.

Jeff was trembling hard but he laid there anyway, afraid that if he sat up again he'd embarrass himself too much. After a few minutes he felt less dizzy and the chair was sat up.

"Here Jeff. Do you feel a little bit better now?" Dr. Rivera asked, handing Jeff a cup of water.

Jeff accepted the water and nodded a little at the question.

"So Jeff is it alright if I talk to you? I have a few questions for you if that's alright. I'm Dr. Rivera by the way, if you didn't catch me saying that a few minutes ago. But you can call me Rose if you want, Dr. Rivera sounds too professional. I'm a Cancer, Ravenclaw, married and a mother of two. But that's enough about me," she said with a cheeky grin.

"What do you want to know?" Jeff asked in a near whisper.

Dr. Rivera frowned at Jeff's coldness but understood that he was still nervous. "Well to start out I need to know if there's anything that I can do to make you feel more comfortable."

Jeff looked reluctant at first, like he wasn't sure if he wanted to trust or talk to her at all, but figured he'd give her a chance. "I um... I don't like being leaned back all the way like I was earlier. It makes me feel panicky."

Rose nodded in understanding. "I can work with that. So Jeff is there anything in particular that scares you about this situation?"

Jeff didn't know how to answer so he just shook his head, so this is were Nick stepped in and tried to be helpful. "Jeffy do you want me to tell her?"

"Nick, you don't know," Jeff countered.

"I have an idea," Nick responded.

Jeff decided he didn't want Nick to say whatever he thought he knew, so he spoke up instead. "I don't know. It's confusing. I know 'everything' is a lame answer, but I can't think of anything about this situation that doesn't freak me out," Jeff said honestly. "But maybe... ugh I don't know."

She looked at him pointedly. "Tell me what you were going to say. The first thing that popped into your head," Dr. Rivera said gently.

Jeff looked to the floor in embarrassment. "I don't want anyone in my mouth but that's a stupid answer."

"That's not a stupid answer. What about that scares you?" She was looking at him with a gentle, understanding gaze. "Are you afraid of pain, judgement, vulnerability, lack of control?" she suggested.

Jeff laughed a little to himself. "All of that. But... I think embarrassment stands out a bit more. I suppose that can go in hand with judgement," he admitted.

She nodded in understanding. "You'd be surprised by how often I hear that. Even the people with the best teeth are embarrassed to an extent. But let me tell you, I've seen some things. Your teeth aren't just barely hanging on by the tips of the roots, right?" Rose joked a little.

Jeff covered his mouth in horror dramatically. "No. Definitely not. I floss. I know everyone says that when they're here but I really do floss. I don't want my teeth to fall out of my head."

Dr. Rivera smiled in amusement. "That just makes my heart swoon, Jeff. You've already won my heart."

Jeff was secretly starting to like Dr. Rivera a lot. "Is there anything else you want to ask me?"

"Let me know if this is going too fast, but I would like to know more about your current situation. Are you experiencing any pain right now?" she asked.

Jeff clammed up here in embarrassment.

"Yes he is," Nick spoke up for him. "Jeff is miserable. I don't know how long he hid the toothache from me, but ever since I found out about it he hasn't stopped complaining. I know it must be bad because sometimes it brings him to tears. That's why we're here now."

Jeff's face turned bright red.

Dr. Rivera looked to Jeff sympathetically. "It's okay, honey. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. You're here now trying to deal with it and that's all that matters."

Jeff just nodded silently.

"Jeff I would like to take x-rays and do a thorough examination to see what's going on, but would you feel comfortable with that?" Dr. Rivera asked.

"Nick said he would go first," Jeff squeaked out. "Can you show me on him first?" He was desperate to put this off for as long as possible.

"Of course. I can do that. Do you want to switch seats with Nick?"

Jeff all too eagerly jumped out of the chair for his boyfriend to take his place.

Nick rolled his eyes in amusement but climbed into the chair. "We were talking on the way over here and I was wondering how many fillings I have. Can you tell me?"

"That I am definitely qualified to do. Let me see." She pulled Nick's chart up on the computer. "Hmm... it looks like you have three fillings. #2, #15, and #12 all have restorations."

Jeff knew what that meant but Nick had no idea. "So the two top back molars, right? But where's the other one?" Nick asked.

"Yes. #12 is the first premolar on the left side. It's really tiny and was probably done when you were young so it makes sense that you didn't notice or remember," Dr. Rivera explained. She stood up from her place at the computer and washed her hands. "So Nick do you have any questions or concerns?"

"I'm good," Nick said smoothly.

Jeff didn't understand how Nick was so calm. 'This is the part where you're supposed to puke or something' he thought to himself.

Dr. Rivera walked back over with gloves on and started lowering the chair. "Nick you just had a cleaning 3 months ago so I really don't need to do one. I guess I'll just do a quick exam and show Jeff what that consists of." She reclined the chair back so it was parallel to the floor and moved her chair directly under Nick's head. Then she flipped on the light and adjusted it over his mouth.

Jeff's stomach twisted in fear and discomfort. He felt like this was a personal thing and he shouldn't have been watching. He wouldn't have wanted Nick to watch if this were him. "Nick are you sure it's okay that I watch?" Jeff asked sheepishly.

Nick laughed, actually laughed at the question as if he thought it was genuinely amusing that Jeff was asking for permission. "Of course. Why would I care? I'm only doing this to help you."

Jeff felt his stomach sink further. Of course the shame aspect of this wouldn't make sense to Nick. Why would he understand? "I don't know. Never mind."

Dr. Rivera looked to Jeff with knowing eyes as if she understood what his refusal to share his reasoning meant, but she didn't say anything. Instead she moved the mask to cover her face and then picked up the mirror and explorer. "Okay Nick can you open please?"

Nick opened his mouth without hesitation. Jeff couldn't wrap his head around it. This type of behavior literally didn't make sense in his mind. This was supposed to be terrifying, but here Nick was literally not giving a single shit.

"Okay Jeff what I'm doing here is just poking around at Nick's teeth. That's all it boils down to. I scrape around a bit with the explorer to look for small cavities. Healthy tooth structure is hard so when the explorer gets caught on something that means it's a cavity. If I see an obvious cavity I'm not going to touch it, but visually I can't see tiny cavities. In doing this I can also find fillings and check the stability of them. Well done white fillings can be hard to spot even with my trained eyes, but when I scrape against the tooth I can tell the difference. Obviously with silver fillings it's not hard to spot the difference between filling and tooth, but Nick doesn't have any of those. So anyway, right here on #15 the filling isn't that big and it's hard to spot, but I can feel the difference. A small portion of the buccal surface here is filling but it's really hard to see. I don't think you can even see the difference." Dr. Rivera explained thoroughly.

Once Jeff got over the initial 'I shouldn't be watching this' aspect of observing Nick's exam he found it really interesting. "It looks really pretty, I can't see the difference. Did you do that filling?" Jeff asked.

"I believe I did. Nick has been my patient for quite a while," she supplied. "Some dentist like to make the composite filling a slightly different shade than the tooth, and to be fair that makes it easier to spot for the dentist but I don't like to do that. When I do composite fillings I make them look as natural as possible."

Jeff was pretty fascinated, but as Nick's exam continued he felt his stomach sicken with guilt and embarrassment. Nick's smile was so pretty and perfect, his wasn't.

After a few minutes Dr. Rivera finished Nick's exam. "Nick, I don't see any issues but I must ask, did you lose your retainer? It doesn't look like you've been wearing it."

"I um... I still have it but it doesn't fit anymore."

"Bring it in and I'll have it refitted. That will keep your teeth from shifting more than they already have," Dr. Rivera said pointedly.

"Pffttt, he won't wear it," Jeff inquired.

She laughed. "I know but I figured I'd bring it up anyway. He keeps giving me excuses to why he can't or won't wear it. We've been doing this dance for years, I'm not surprised. Anyway Nick, you can get up. You're done."

Nick nodded and climbed out of the chair, ignoring the pointed look Jeff gave him.

After Nick got up Jeff felt himself start to panic again at the prospect of switching places with him. The little presentation helped with the fear aspect, but didn't help with the shame at all and if anything made it worse.

Dr. Rivera noticed Jeff's face pale. "Jeff, stay seated where you are for now. I want to talk to you a bit more. Did watching Nick help you at all and do you have any questions for me?"

'Well shit, you don't have to tell me twice' Jeff thought to himself. "It helped a little," he murmured. "I don't feel very good. Where's the bathroom?" He was itching to get out of there before he got suckered into getting into the chair.

"Jeff, you don't need to use the bathroom. Stay here and talk out your worries," Nick said knowingly.

Jeff's face blanched. "I know you're going to want me to get in the chair soon. The second I stop talking you're going to ask me to and I can't say no because that's embarrassing. I'll have to do it," he admitted frantically, rubbing at the back of his neck.

"Jeff, you can always say no with me. I promise I won't make you do anything you don't feel comfortable with," Dr. Rivera assured. "You saw how easy the exam with Nick was so what's got you so worked up?"

Jeff was trembling hard again and he felt humiliated. "Nick is different."

"What do you mean?" she asked gently.

Jeff glanced to Nick nervously. He didn't want to admit this in front of him.

"Do you want me to step out?" Nick asked.

"No!" Jeff said quickly. "Don't leave me. I'm so scared. I feel like I'm going to puke. I can't do this," he said, rubbing at his temples and trying not to cry. This was so embarrassing.

"Yes you can," Nick said gently. He walked up behind Jeff and tried to rub his shoulders a little to make him feel better, but Jeff was jumpy and anyone touching him was just making him flinch more. But after calming down a bit more he eased into Nick's touch.

"Why is Nick different?" Dr. Rivera asked.

Jeff squeezed his eyes shut and just said it. "Nick isn't scared. He's only ever had good experiences and he doesn't have any issues with his teeth and his smile is pretty." Jeff could feel his face burning red in embarrassment.

"Jeff, you shouldn't be ashamed of things you can't control. Besides, do you think people come here because their teeth are perfect? 9 times out of 10 people don't come here until they have an issue and that's okay. I'm used to it and I promise your teeth aren't going to surprise me," Dr. Rivera replied. "And maybe you've only had bad experiences up until this point but I promise this won't be like that. Is there anything you want to tell me about that Jeff?"

Jeff shook his head. He couldn't talk about it, not yet. He physically couldn't even if he wanted to. "I can't."

"Okay Jeff. Well, I know you're still nervous but do you think you'd be willing to try small baby steps? I think you're capable of way more than you think you are," Dr. Rivera encouraged.

Jeff started shaking again. Of course he wanted to say no, but Dr. Rivera had been so patient and nice, and he already felt guilty for dragging this out for as long as he did. He couldn't say no. Technically he could have, but it wasn't worth the embarrassment anymore. "I um... what's the first step?" he asked.

"The first step is laying down in the chair. That's all you have to do. I won't even lean it back all the way like I did with Nick, I'll leave it propped up a little for you," Dr. Rivera offered.

Jeff seemed to still be having an internal debate with himself so Nick stepped in. "Jeff, I'll hold your hand the entire time," Nick offered.

They were both looking at him expectantly, so Jeff just nodded in agreement. Getting his body to cooperate was another story though, so Nick helped him into the chair.

"Good job, Jeff. Just sit there for a moment and get comfortable. I need to grab another clean tray and wash my hands again. I'll be right back," Dr. Rivera said before leaving the room momentarily.

Jeff looked to Nick with pleading eyes. "Please can we leave? I promise I'll never complain about my tooth hurting ever again," Jeff tried.

Nick scowled at his boyfriend's relentless ways. "You're ridiculous. You're already here. Let's just wait and see what's going on, you aren't even getting your tooth fixed today. This is just a cleaning and exam."

Now Jeff was the one who scowled. "I don't want a cleaning. I didn't agree to that."

Nick sighed. "My dear boyfriend, why are you such a giant man-child? It's just a cleaning. It won't hurt. Let's not argue about this now. Just worry about the exam, okay?"

"I'm already worrying about that! I'm worrying about all of it!" Jeff fretted.

"No, no. It was a figure of speech. Don't worry about any of it, you're gonna be fine," Nick hushed his boyfriend.

The debate didn't go any farther because Dr. Rivera walked back in with the clean tray.

"Jeff how are you feeling?" she asked as she washed her hands again.

 _Kind of like I'm going to shit myself._ "Fantastic," Jeff said sarcastically.

Dr Rivera smiled as she sat back down. "Don't sound so happy," she teased. "Okay Jeff, I'm going to lay you back a tiny bit now."

Jeff grimaced as the chair started moving down. "I have a sneaking suspicion that I know what the next step is."

"I don't think you do," Rose said with a wicked grin. She pulled a pair of Spider-Man sunglasses out of a drawer and put them on Jeff.

That received a genuine laugh from Jeff.

"Well this isn't fair. You never give me Spider-Man sunglasses," Nick joked.

"In all honesty Jeff, those probably don't fit on your face. You don't have to keep them on." She took off the child-sized sunglasses and handed them to Nick.

Nick put on the sunglasses. "These are cool. I'm keeping them."

Jeff kept laughing. "Nick, stop. I can't take you seriously with those on your face."

"No, I'm keeping them on."

"And you call me the man-child," Jeff remarked.

Nick finally took off the sunglasses after a few good laughs and got back into serious boyfriend mode.

Dr. Rivera cleared her throat awkwardly to bring them back to the situation at hand. "Anyway, Jeff I'm going to lay the chair back a tad more but you tell me if it's too much."

Jeff felt his stomach lurch as his head went back farther but he didn't say anything. He could feel his breathing grow shallow in anticipation. She was going to ask him to open his mouth any second now. He winced when she flipped on the light and fumbled around for Nick's hand.

Nick grabbed Jeff's hand and started rubbing it gently with his thumb. "You're alright. Just keep breathing," Nick soothed.

"Nick, promise me you won't look," Jeff squeaked out frantically.

"What do you mean?" Nick asked stupidly.

Jeff huffed in annoyance. Why did he have to spell everything out for Nick? "When she does the exam, don't look at what she's doing. Promise you won't look at me."

"You're ridiculous but I won't look. I promise. I'm just here to comfort you, okay?" Nick agreed.

Jeff nodded. He looked up at the ceiling, silently wondering how he got into this situation and wanting desperately to get out of it.

Dr. Rivera picked up the mirror and explorer. "Okay Jeff. Just a quick look around and then we'll take X-rays. Can you open for me?"

Jeff felt his heart beating hard in his chest, almost like it was violently protesting. The next 5 seconds felt like the longest and most awkward moments of his entire life. The longer he went without opening his mouth the more embarrassed he felt, but opening his mouth would have been just as embarrassing. He'd already put this off for so long and wasted so much of her time. He couldn't ask for anymore time. He'd run out of time. He wasn't allowed to put this off for any longer. So he shakily opened his mouth, not because he wanted to but because it was the only option to avoid further embarrassment.

"Open your mouth a little bit more for me please," she asked gently.

Jeff shut his eyes and opened his mouth almost as wide as he could, granting her full access this time. There was no going back now.

* * *

 **A/N: Another cliff hanger, damn me! I know. But it's the only way I get reviews. I'm just working the system, man. So I guess that means you guys have to review if you want more words ;)**

 **Also, do you guys like the idea of starting out each chapter with a flashback? Tell me if you have any flashback ideas, or tell me if you hate the idea, or tell me you're mad at me for taking so damn long to update. See you next chapter!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I'll Keep Singing This Lie If You'll Keep Believing It**

 **A/N: This chapter is dedicated to my bean because it's her birthday and I love her so much that I got my lazy ass to finish this chapter early. Happy birthday Sophia aka lendmeyourcomb aka future torture dude aka a pain in my ass. If anyone's interested in knowing I bought her a Doctor Who pin that says "keep calm I'm the doctor" because she was in med school and was SUPPOSED to be a real doctor and now she isn't and I don't know what the fuck to do with this pin, and what am I going to do once she graduates? Friendship canceled and you lost your pin privileges.**

* * *

Jeff was sitting in the car with his mom, nervously chewing on his bottom lip and trying desperately to calm down. It wasn't working. The music playing on a low volume in the background just sounded like noise and the sick feeling in his stomach wouldn't go away. He was on the verge of tears and he was just barely keeping it together, and trying to pretend that he was perfectly fine was making his anxiety so much worse. Jeff felt like he was going to lose it.

"God, I don't even want to find out how much money this is going to cost us. You haven't been to the dentist in what, 5 years now? This is going to cost me a small fortune," his mother commented absentmindedly from the driver's seat.

Jeff felt his blood boiling. "You act like this is my fault! Do you really think a scared 10 year old is going to call and make an appointment themselves? Mom, you're my parent. Keeping up with this stuff is supposed to be your responsibility. I can't be held responsible for anything that's wrong," Jeff snapped, trying to keep himself from crying. She didn't deserve to see him cry. She'd lost that privilege.

"Jeff, I don't appreciate the tone you're giving me. I'm your mother and you will respect me."

 _You don't deserve my fucking respect. You're bitching about money that isn't even yours to bitch about, and you refuse to accept that you're a shitty parent that's completely neglected their child's health._ Jeff remained completely silent because he still held more respect for his mother than she had for him, apparently.

"So you're just not going to say anything?" she inquired.

"You don't want to hear what I have to say," Jeff bit out. He'd told his mother about his toothache months ago, begrudgingly so after being in pain for over a year. He couldn't take it anymore and he was terrified of needing anything more serious than a filling, so he had to tell her. It took her 5 months to finally make the appointment and Jeff's tooth ached the entire time. It got to the point where he couldn't sleep or eat. He'd lost weight which in itself was ridiculous, all because it got to the point where any movement in his jaw would irritate his tooth and make it hurt more.

They pulled up to the office and Jeff was silent, but he got out anyway because despite his fears he didn't want his mom to know how afraid he was. So he just sucked it up and checked himself in, feeling dizzy and sick. Unfortunately this office seemed to be efficient because he was led back no more than 3 minutes later.

The first thing they made him do was bitewings and panoramic X-rays.

"Okay honey, can you open your mouth? I'm going to put this in the back of your mouth and I need you to bite on it gently, but don't bite my fingers," the assistant explained.

Jeff silently wondered if this woman thought he was stupid, but he held back his sassy remarks and just opened his mouth. He didn't like the feeling of gloved hands in his mouth but he didn't have a choice. He just sucked it up and let her do it. He felt incredibly stupid just sitting there with this shit in his mouth and a heavy apron over him, it made him feel like a little kid even though adults did this too. Maybe it was something about being under someone else's care that felt degrading.

After a few bitewings they made him do the panoramic X-ray, which would have been easy if he didn't accidentally bump his top teeth against the little nub piece in the process of trying to bite on it. He winced in pain at the aggressive contact.

"Oops, are you okay? Here, you need to bite on this piece. You need to have your bottom teeth behind the little nub and then your front teeth in front of it. Here, can I see if you have your teeth in the right place?"

She tried to touch him to pull his bottom lip down and see for herself, and Jeff gave her a warning glare with his best bitchface that said 'don't touch me'. "I'm biting on the correct place. Please just take the X-ray," Jeff bit out, harsher than he meant to.

She didn't look happy with his refusal to show her but walked away to take the X-ray anyway. "Alright. Stay really still for me."

'Damn, and I was just about to do the macarena,' Jeff remarked bitterly in his head. Overall this experience had him in a foul ass mood already. They spoke to him like a little kid even though he was 15, and shit that by no means meant he was an adult yet but it was frustrating that they kept talking to him like he was stupid.

After the X-rays the assistant led him back to a room. "Go ahead and take a seat. The dentist will be in here soon."

Jeff sat down and the assistant placed a paper bib over him. He thought he'd have a few more minutes to calm down before the dentist came in, but damn this office was fast. She came in a minute or so later and wasted no time at all. Now the slow wait time made more sense because of how rushed the staff were.

The dentist hadn't uttered a single word to Jeff before she sat down and started reclining the chair.

Jeff's stomach seemed to jump into his chest when the chair went back. It was reclined completely vertically and then raised a little bit. He gripped the armrest in fear and he felt himself starting to sweat.

She flipped on the light and adjusted it over his mouth. "Hey Jeff, how are you doing? Your mom said you have a tooth that's bugging you. Do you mind if I take a look at it?"

Jeff winced when the light was put right over his mouth, it made him not want to speak at all. "I feel pretty sick, actually," he admitted.

"It's okay. I won't hurt you. I'm going to look around a little with my mirror and explorer. I know this guy looks scary," she said, holding up the explorer, "but it will just stick to your teeth a little if you have a cavity. It won't hurt. Open up for me, Jeff."

"I'm sorry but can I have just another minute? I need to calm down a little. I really don't feel good," Jeff said quickly, looking up at the ceiling so he didn't see the tools in her hand.

"It's okay. Take all of the time you need." She set the tools down momentarily. "Do you think you'd be willing to try a little laughing gas? I think that would help you calm down," she offered.

"No. I want to be in control and sober. I just need a minute to calm down. I'm sorry," Jeff stammered.

However, the dentist completely disregarded what Jeff said despite her promise of more time from just a few moments ago. "I'm gonna go ask your mom if she's okay with you having a little gas. I'll be right back."

Jeff couldn't find his voice and he felt helpless. She wasn't listening to him.

She walked back in a few moments later with the tank of nitrous in hand. "Your mom said it's okay, Jeff. I'm gonna put this over your nose and it's going to help you feel better, okay?"

"I just need a moment to calm down," Jeff protested meekly. When he looked back on this exact moment later he knew he could have fought harder or made himself more clear, refused to let her put the mask over his nose; but in that moment he just froze. He wasn't shouting and actively fighting against her, but that didn't change that what she did next was wrong.

She put the mask over his nose without asking for permission and then turned up the gas. "This is going to help you calm down."

At that point Jeff wanted to scream at this woman, beg her to listen to him, but he couldn't make himself say anything or get his body to move. He just let it happen and blinked back tears. This time was supposed to be different.

"Okay Jeff, let's try this again. Open up for me."

The gas wasn't even working yet. Jeff still felt completely sober and terrified. Not that he wanted to be high in the fucking first place, but hell if this woman was going to non-consensually drug him then shouldn't she have at least waited for the gas to kick in? "My tooth is broken on the top left side. That's why I'm here; it hurts. Please be careful," he choked out a warning despite his panicked state.

"I won't hurt you, Jeff. Now open up please."

The light was shining over his mouth and she was looking at him expectantly, and Jeff felt that all too familiar feeling of shame wash over him. That's what made him open his mouth. He watched her closely, making things a lot worse for himself in retrospect because watching what she was doing made getting through this harder. Paying attention to every detail made time go slower. He gripped the armrest of the chair to keep himself from moving around, but the cold metal digging into his teeth still made him flinch. Then she got to his bad tooth and scraped at it despite Jeff's warning, and he winced at the clear discomfort.

"Alright well we're going to fix this one today because you said it's the one that's hurting you. You have a few other cavities but we'll fix them another day. Before I get the material, what color filling do you want, Jeff? White or silver? I'll need to clear it over with your mom before I start though."

"White, definitely. Please. If my mom has a problem with the extra cost tell her I'll pay the difference. Silver fillings look terrible, I don't want that in my mouth," Jeff said quickly.

The dentist raised a brow at Jeff. "Does aesthetic really matter if it's all the way in the back of your mouth, Jeff? Nobody would be able to tell," she declared.

Jeff was set in his hatred for amalgam fillings. "I sing, and throw my head back when I laugh. So yes it matters. Teeth are supposed to look like teeth, not like the fucking tin man," he said pointedly. Jeff recognized that he could have said that a number of different ways that weren't so mean, but he didn't care.

She didn't seem to share his opinion but muttered a quiet, "alright Jeff," before she left.

At this point the gas was starting to do something, but it was only enough to just barely dull the fear. It made his body feel tingly and his thought process was going a little bit slower but it wasn't enough.

She walked back in a few minutes later, the same assistant from earlier in toe behind her. They both sat down and now there were two people hovering over him.

"Alright Jeff, we're going to get you numb. This is a little bit of topical lidocaine so you don't feel it when I give you the injection. Open up."

The topical lidocaine tasted like absolute ass; it was like the same absolute bitter disgust that came with trying to drink orange juice right after brushing your teeth, but at least 2 times worse and more concentrated. If only that was the worst part of today's experience. She asked him to open his mouth again and she took out the q-tip with the topical lidocaine on it, seemingly before it had the time to do any actual topical numbing.

Jeff knew what was coming next. The injection. Needles were generally already unpleasant, but having them in your mouth was at least twice as bad. He knew it was going to hurt, but he opened his mouth at her request anyway because it was too embarrassing to say no or ask for more time.

That's when he felt his mouth being pried open wider with a tool without any warning. It wasn't like a bite rest, this was different. It was closer to a gag that went in one side of his mouth and held it open, painfully so because it was opened too wide and it was hurting his jaw.

"Stay really still for this part, Jeff. This isn't going to hurt."

Jeff felt the heavy syringe enter his mouth and forced himself to go livid to keep himself from flinching away. It was challenging, especially when he discovered how unfortunate her lie about the injection not hurting was. He so desperately wanted it to be painless, but it wasn't. The initial prick of the needle hurt, it felt like it was being stabbed directly into his jawbone, and it hurt even more when he felt the fire like sting of the anesthetic going in. It took all of his willpower to stay still despite the pain, because it was almost over, right? Wrong.

She did the exact same thing two more times in the same area where the first injection went. By the 3rd injection Jeff was frantically panicking and he physically couldn't keep his body still anymore, he cringed hard and unconsciously tried to move his head away; even if he wanted to close his mouth he couldn't because of the gag so that wasn't an option. That got her to finish faster, which definitely didn't help with the pain aspect because rushed work meant the injection hurt more if that were even possible, but it finally got the fucking needle out of his mouth.

Jeff was breathing hard and his head was pounding by the time the gag was finally removed from his mouth. The assistant rinsed out his mouth and the dentist said some bullshit praise that Jeff couldn't make himself pay close enough attention to to comprehend.

Then they both left with little to no disregard to Jeff's current state.

It was in that moment that Jeff realized that he wasn't nearly high enough to feel okay about what just happened. The memory fucked him up for weeks, and it took months for the flashbacks to fade into something tolerable that didn't send him into a damn near anxiety attack every time the event crossed his mind. It was ridiculous how traumatic his already phobic mind made the experience out to be, and maybe for any other person it wouldn't have been that major of an issue, but for Jeff it was horrific.

Roughly 10 minutes later the dentist and her minion walked back in and wasted no time getting back to work. She sat down after scrubbing in and flipped the light back on. "Alright Jeff, let's get started. Open up."

Jeff saw the horrid gag from earlier in her hand. "Please check to see if I'm numb before you start," he requested frantically.

He didn't miss the tired side-glance the dentist gave to her partner, as if his comfort was an inconvenience. "Okay I'll check. Open your mouth, Jeff."

Jeff shakily opened his mouth and she stuck the gag back in again as if two seconds without that goddamn thing in his mouth would be her demise. He felt her scratching at the part of his tooth where the explorer got caught earlier, but it didn't feel right. It didn't just feel uncomfortable or cold, but it hurt. He could still feel the underlying shocks of pain and he knew that wasn't right. Jeff cringed and his face screwed up in a panic.

For the first time today he saw some type of sympathy wash over the dentist. He silently suspected it was because she knew she would have fucked up and hurt him if she would have started without checking first, which she clearly wasn't going to do on her own. "Don't worry, Jeff. I'm going to get you numb."

Then followed 3 more injections, again; they were just as unpleasant as they were the first time too. Jeff was at his wits end with all of the stress and pain he could take today. He sucked in a nose-full of nitrous, but it really didn't make much of a difference and he still ended up cringing. This was hell.

Jeff knew they were going to start soon so he shakily plugged his earbuds into his ears and turned up the volume on his phone all the way. They paused their work to let him get that together, but the instant he was settled they were ready to start.

"We're going to start now. Relax and stay still."

Jeff didn't hear her warning over the music but knew they were starting. He silently prayed, literally prayed as dramatic as it sounded because he was terrified, that the anesthetic would work. He was worn pretty thin at this point and he didn't know if he could handle anything else going wrong without completely losing it on these people.

The drilling itself didn't hurt, but it sure as fuck didn't feel nice. It was an uncomfortable pressure that progressively bordered the line of painful, but never crossed it. The anticipation of pain was hell, and at some points Jeff felt himself trembling and pressing himself into the back of the chair, but he got through it without asking them to stop once. He visibly relaxed once the drilling was finished and then, for the first time since he'd arrived at the office, he felt okay. They finished with the filling a little while later and Jeff walked back into the waiting room to meet his mom, not uttering a single word to the dentist or her assistant as he left.

On the way back Jeff found that he didn't have the mental energy to deal with anyone else's shit and completely gave up on defusing the argument with his mom. She ended up screaming at him for his apparent lack of respect or something but Jeff remained levelheaded and mostly quiet until he made it back home to his bedroom. That's when the day's events hit him and he broke down completely.

What happened today wasn't traumatic; at least it shouldn't have been. It by far wasn't the worst thing that happened to Jeff in a setting like that but for some reason it kept repeating in his mind. At one point he started hyperventilating and then threw up because he couldn't catch his breath. Jeff held onto the trashcan with hopeless tears falling down his face.

All he wanted was a good experience and someone he could trust but instead he only received more reasons to be afraid. Before this the memories of his past bad experiences had grown fuzzy and they were harder to remember, today however was fresh in his mind. Every wrong thing that happened today were his reasons to be afraid. He had little hope of ever finding a dentist he trusted or getting over his phobia.

He felt so alone.

That's when he called Nick because he knew he wasn't alone. Nick picked up on the third ring. Jeff noted that he must have had his phone on him.

"Hey I was just thinking about you. What's up?" Nick greeted.

Jeff sniffled into the phone. "I had a really rough day," he said meekly.

Nick noticed how defeated Jeff sounded. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Not really."

"Then what can I do?" Nick asked.

"Can you just talk to me?" Jeff questioned in a small, broken voice.

"Of course. So today I sneezed and farted at the same time. Imagine being this talented."

Jeff smiled at Nick's stupid remark. "I can only dream. What else did you do today?"

"I ate an entire can of Pringles for lunch."

"Oh Nick. Tell me that isn't the only thing you've had to eat today," Jeff inquired.

"That wasn't the only thing I've had to eat today."

"Are you lying?"

"Yes."

Jeff laughed. "You know you're my favorite."

"Pffttt I already knew that, but did you know that you're my favorite too?"

"I sure hope so," Jeff commented. The two talked for a while until Jeff felt better, and then he decided to get off of the phone to take a nap. Talking to Nick always made him feel better.

* * *

 _Jeff shut his eyes and opened his mouth almost as wide as he could, granting her full access this time. There was no going back now._

He squeezed Nick's hand tighter because the feeling of the metal against his teeth was making him panicky.

Dr. Rivera slowly made her way around Jeff's mouth while checking everything and making mental notes to put all of this in his chart later.

Once she approached the bad tooth Jeff's breathing picked up again.

"Okay Jeff so I see a crack along the distal surface of this tooth where the restoration ends. It looked like the composite shrunk and weakened the tooth structure. I need to take X-rays to be sure but I suspect there's some decay under the filling too. Is this the one that's been giving you trouble?"

Jeff didn't say anything in response for obvious reasons but nodded a little.

"Okay. I don't see any cavities. However some of these old fillings don't look like they're doing too well. Are any of them bugging you?" she asked and retracted the tools.

Jeff opened his eyes and let go of Nick's hand. "Um... some of them but it's not a major issue," he stammered nervously.

"Can you explain what you mean please?"

Jeff felt his cheeks burn red in embarrassment again. "The filling on the 1st molar on the top left side gives me issues with anything cold, hot, or hard. It's always been like that though so I think it's normal."

"Hm... do you mind if I look at it again?" she asked.

Jeff was reluctant but opened his mouth anyway.

"Okay so visibly this filling looks fine," she said as she scratched at the filling to test the stability. Dr. Rivera retracted the tools and let Jeff close his mouth again. "I still need X-rays to fully understand what's going on, however it is normal for white fillings to cause sensitivity. Especially if the filling is really deep and close to the nerve of the tooth. Does the pain linger?"

"Possibly? I don't really know. I guess it sticks around for a bit. It's kind of achey for a while after I irritate it," Jeff responded.

"Okay Jeff thank you for telling me. I'm going to send you out for X-rays really quick. My assistant was supposed to have done that for me but I guess your fainting spell distracted her. After that I'll have my best hygienist come in and do a cleaning, and then I'll come back in and we'll discuss treatment options. Does that sound okay?"

The word 'treatment' made Jeff's stomach turn but he simply nodded. After Dr. Rivera left an assistant came in and took X-rays. Then Jeff had a few minutes alone with Nick until the hygienist came in.

Jeff was already starting to tremble again. "Nick can I ask you something stupid?"

"Of course."

"Does the cleaning hurt? I don't remember. That's a stupid question but I'm scared and I really don't want it to hurt," Jeff fretted.

"For me it really doesn't. It's uncomfortable but it doesn't hurt. You'll be okay," Nick reassured.

However Jeff didn't seem to be convinced and he started to tear up. "I got panicky during the exam, and that was easy and only lasted a few minutes. I won't be able to sit through someone scraping at my teeth aggressively and shit. Nick I can't do this." Jeff sat up.

"Nooooo Jeff. Please don't panic baby. It'll be okay," Nick said and put a comforting hand on Jeff's shoulder.

"You keep saying that but I don't feel okay," Jeff sniffled. Nick rubbed his shoulders as he cried. "I'm so scared. This is too much. I want to leave."

"I'm not trying to undermine the progress you've already made today, and you know I'm proud of you for that, but you still haven't finished this. Get this over with and I promise you'll be so proud of yourself. You can do it," Nick encouraged.

"It's gonna hurt," Jeff persisted.

"It's not going to hurt."

"It will hurt. A guy on YouTube said it would."

"Well fuck that guy, he's lying."

"I don't want to fuck that guy. You're the only guy I fuck; I think that comes with the boyfriend memo unless you're feeling particularly adventurous," Jeff sniggered.

"Lord. That's– no. How about you just sit your happy ass here and stop trying to bolt? Manhandling you in the parking lot earlier is about as 'adventurous' as I'm feeling today," Nick concluded.

"How's about we get out of here and you can see just how adventurous I can get, huh? I have some stuff stashed away that I've been saving for a rainy day–" Nick cut Jeff off.

"Would you stop trying to bribe me with sex?"

"Would you stop rejecting my offer to bribe you with sex?"

The hygienist walked in in that exact moment, and Jeff was fairly certain she'd caught the last bit of their conversation. He didn't have time to be embarrassed though because panic was setting in again.

Jeff knew this wasn't anything major and the panic he was feeling now was irrational but this was all still scary and new to him. His left foot bounced up and down in anticipation and he silently hoped that this hygienist would be as sweet as Dr. Rivera was. He silently noted that she probably wouldn't hire anyone that she didn't approve of but the worry was still there.

"Hi Jeff how are you feeling? Dr. Rivera told me that you're a little nervous so I'm going to talk you through everything I do and you can stop me at any time. Is there anything I can do to help you feel more comfortable?" the hygienist asked as she walked in and started washing her hands.

Jeff instantly appreciated her clear concern for his wellbeing and that eased his worries a little. "I'm doing alright." He clenched his jaw in anticipation and that instantly made his sore tooth flair up again but he didn't say anything.

She put on gloves and sat down on the swivel stool. "Please speak up if you have any questions or concerns Jeff. Before we start are there any particular areas that you want me to be careful around?"

Jeff mentioned his achey tooth in a small voice as she lowered the chair again.

"Okay. I'll be careful in that area. So the first thing I'm going to do is go in with the ultrasonic scaler and clean things up. It feels cold but it doesn't hurt," she explained.

Jeff nodded a little in understanding but his heart was pounding hard again and he was starting to get worked up.

She quickly noticed his distress. "Are you feeling okay? Do you have any questions for me?"

Nick noticed too and grabbed Jeff's hand.

Jeff didn't say anything. He felt trapped and humiliated and he couldn't decide if Nick being here was helping or just embarrassing him more. He couldn't find his words and he felt that all too familiar helpless feeling.

Nick started rubbing Jeff's forearm a little to calm him down. "Jeff baby tell her what's wrong so she can help."

Jeff tried to blink back panicked tears but one tear ended up falling down his face and he quickly wiped it away in embarrassment. "I'm really sorry. I don't feel well. This stuff makes me really panicky and I honestly can't remember the last time I did this, and when I did they never used the ultrasonic thing you were talking about earlier and I'm a weenie and I'm afraid that it's going to hurt. I'm so sorry for being difficult," Jeff stammered.

Nick could feel Jeff trembling under his touch and his heart ached. In that moment how truly terrified Jeff was started to hit him.

The hygienist noticed the behavior he was exhibiting too, and it was a lot more than just general nerves. This went deeper than that. "Please don't be sorry. I really appreciate you telling me what's going on. I'm going to sit you back up and we're going to talk a little more about what this does so you understand. I'm not going to do anything while you're panicked like this." She sat Jeff's chair up and handed him a bottle of water.

Jeff felt significantly less panicked once the chair was sat up again and accepted the bottle of water. "Thank you. I feel so bad for taking up your time. You don't have to do this."

"It's okay. I have enough time to talk to you a bit. So you mentioned earlier that the ultrasonic scaler has never been used on you before. In my opinion it's a lot better than the normal hand scaler because it's faster and gets the hard stuff off of your teeth easier. I will go in with the hand scaler later but it won't take very long," she started. "It basically sprays a lot of water and vibrates. It makes kind of a silent buzzing sound too, so if you want to listen to music while I use it that will probably help you relax more."

Jeff listened to her closely, and even though her words didn't take his worries away completely, as expected, he felt a little more confident that if he tried hard enough he could power through this and then go home. "Thank you. I understand now and I feel a little better. I think I'm ready to start."

Nick fished some earbuds out of his pocket and tossed them at Jeff. "I figured you'd need these eventually."

"Thanks. I would have brought mine but you did have me convinced this was your appointment after all," Jeff grunted. He plugged the earbuds into his phone and put shuffle on From Under the Cork Tree because that album was fast and loud enough to be distracting, and even though any other time he would have been sick of this album from listening to it so many times right now he needed something familiar.

"Okay Jeff. Raise your hand if you need me to stop and please don't be afraid to ask for a break if you need it. Just call me Alexander Hamilton because I'm at your service, sir."

Jeff grinned stupidly at the joke. "I hope you didn't punch the bursar too."

"That I didn't do. Violence is generally frowned upon in the office," she smirked. Now that Jeff was feeling better she started lowering the chair again.

Nick held Jeff's hand and with his other hand he traced different shapes on Jeff's forearm to distract him.

Jeff tighten his grip on Nick's hand as the chair went back. There was an intense feeling of dread in his stomach but he tried to control it and keep it from sprouting into full fledged panic like it did earlier. Jeff's breathing picked up when she flipped on the light and put it over his mouth. At this point the adrenaline was making him weak.

The hygienist picked up the tool from earlier. "Okay Jeff can you open for me?"

After he turned the music up louder Jeff let his mouth fall open, however the hard pounding of his heart made it clear that he was generally unpleased with his current predicament. He tried to focus on Nick's touch or the music but it wasn't enough to block out what was happening. The feeling of the ultrasonic scaler against his teeth was unpleasantly cold; it was hard to resist the urge to raise his hand and get this shit out of his mouth. But he kept himself calm, aside from the subtle trembling, and let her work.

Funny enough Nick and the hygienist struck up a conversation while Jeff was listening to his music and trying his best to zone out.

"He's shaking so badly. I feel terrible that this is so hard for him. I hope he eases up a little once he realizes this isn't bad," Nick commented.

Oblivious to the conversation taking place about him, Jeff wasn't able to relax in the slightest. It wasn't that the ultrasonic scaler hurt but the feeling was unsettling and for someone with a phobia the minor discomfort was amplified. Unfortunately for Jeff the hygienist seemed to be really thorough and this wasn't going by as quickly as he would have liked. Three minutes in he was already starting to grow restless and it was hard not to flinch when any motion she was making with the tool crossed the line of uncomfortable. Then he started tasting a little bit of blood and became thoroughly disgusted with this experience. Overall Jeff just barely got through this part of the cleaning, he flinched a lot and was on edge. He appreciated how thorough she was being but damn this wasn't a pleasant experience.

After god knows how long she finished with this part and Jeff was able to shut his mouth. He took out one earbud so he could hear what she was saying.

"You're doing really well Jeff. Are you hanging in there okay? Ready for the next part?" the hygienist asked.

Jeff nose laughed at the question and gave an unconvincing close-lipped smile that probably looked pained. "I'll be okay."

"Do you need a break?" she asked in concern.

"I'm fine. I'd rather let you finish."

"I understand. That's your way of politely saying 'get this nonsense over with please'. So the next part is getting what's left off with the hand scaler. It's just going to feel like scraping against your teeth," she explained.

"That sounds really pleasant," Jeff said sarcastically in a playful way so it didn't seem like he was bitching at this woman for doing her job.

"It's exhilarating," she laughed a little. "Open up Jeff."

Jeff opened his mouth again. This part sucked a little more than the last part because the feeling of the metal scraping against his teeth actually made him cringe at some points. He wasn't trying to be overdramatic, and to be fair it was hard to hide how much he hated this. The hygienist was sweet and kept asking if he was okay every time he showed any signs of discomfort.

Nick was good moral support to an extent once Jeff got past how humiliating it was that his boyfriend was stuck watching him act like a giant baby. He kept lightly brushing his fingers over Jeff's forearm in an almost tickle because Jeff was weird and found the sensation comforting. Nick learned a few months into their relationship that Jeff was pretty much like a giant puppy and was pleased with any type of physical comfort.

After working thoroughly for about 10 more minutes the hygienist finished. "We're almost finished. Next I'm going to use this polisher tool and I'm just going to shine up your teeth and make them look pretty. This is basically just a glorified toothbrush. This is really easy Jeff. The only issue is it does sound similar to the drill but I promise this isn't that. The worst part is the taste."

As generally unpleasant as that sounded this part didn't scare Jeff so he agreed. "That's fine. I'll be okay. I have earbuds."

"Any flavor preference? We have a lot of fun flavors for the kids."

"Whichever flavor gets me out of here faster." She laughed at Jeff's lame joke. Probably out of sympathy. "No but mint or whatever is fine. I don't care. Just not grape."

She laughed a little. "Your standards are so high Jeff. I don't know if I can live up to them. What if I told you we only have grape?" she teased.

"Deal breaker. Bad Yelp review. Probably would have to sue. See you in court," Jeff joked back.

"This is America so there have probably been lawsuits over things more trivial. Anyway Jeff open up. Don't worry it's not grape."

Jeff laughed a little and opened his mouth. Even though this was an uncomfortable situation he was really pleased with how well he was being treated. No wonder Nick had virtually no fear when it came to this stuff; these people were amazing. Even more so in comparison to Jeff's past experiences which had led him to wholeheartedly believe that a good dentist didn't exist. These were people he felt like he could trust.

She finished with the polishing a few minutes later and rinsed out Jeff's mouth. "Okay Jeff I'm going to floss your teeth really quick. Is that okay? Do you want me to avoid the area with your bad tooth?"

"You don't have to. It doesn't bother me when I floss around it. The only thing that triggers pain is when I chew directly on the tooth."

"Sounds good. I'll still be careful."

Jeff opened his mouth and this part was pretty uneventful. Flossing didn't hurt because he actually tried to floss well at home, unlike the other 90% of the population probably. Having a dental phobia forced him to have good hygiene because the thought of having a cavity was terrifying, however apparently it wasn't terrifying enough to get him in here sooner.

"Okay Jeff you're almost done. I'm going to do a quick fluoride treatment and then I'll page Dr. Rivera to come back in here. This is going to taste gross but I'll be able to take it out of your mouth in a few minutes." She quickly prepped the fluoride tray and then asked Jeff to open up again.

Jeff opened his mouth again and felt impressively stupid once the tray was in his mouth.

"That's a really good look for you," Nick commented.

Jeff flicked Nick off in response.

"I think I like you better this way. Can't talk back now, huh?" Nick antagonized.

Jeff narrowed his eyes at Nick in a glare.

"Do you have something to say dear?" Nick teased.

Jeff just settled on flicking Nick off again because that was the only sign language he knew.

The hygienist took the fluoride tray out of his mouth a few minutes later. Jeff was unpleased to find she couldn't actually rinse out his mouth so it felt like there was still fluoride stuck in between his teeth.

"I know. Its gross. You can rinse your mouth out in 30 minutes. My apologies. I paged Dr. Rivera but she might be a few minutes. Just hang tight. I'll see you in 6 months Jeff," and with that the hygienist was gone.

Jeff looked to Nick with a deadpan expression. "I forgot that most people do this every 6 months. That seems like a bit much."

"It's only twice a year Jeff. You're ridiculous. You'll get used to it. To be fair cleanings probably take less time if you come in regularly," Nick reasoned.

"Touché. I wonder what that feels like; to actually do this regularly."

"I guess you'll find out in time, huh?"

Jeff laughed to himself lightly. "You clearly don't know me if you think I'm not going to put off regular appointments for as long as I can."

"You clearly haven't learned from your current situation then," Nick said pointedly.

Jeff shut up at that because Nick was right.

Dr. Rivera came back in a few minutes later. "Hey you two. Did your cleaning go okay?" she sat down and pulled up Jeff's X-rays.

"It went surprisingly well actually. The hygienist was really nice," Jeff responded, though he felt a sick and slightly guilty feeling in his stomach when she pulled up his X-rays. This is where it would all go downhill and he knew it. He braced himself for bad news.

"That's fantastic. I told you she's my best hygienist. Anyway Jeff it's time to talk about your treatment options, okay? Are you ready to get into it?"

"Yes," Jeff said in a small voice.

"Okay so I'm going to be completely honest with you here. I do see quite a bit of decay under the filling on #30; that's the tooth that's bugging you. With situations like this I can't be 100% sure if you're going to need a root canal or not. I wouldn't know until I go in there and start fixing the tooth. It could just be a filling but I could also get in there and see that the decay has reached the nerve of the tooth," Dr. Rivera explained.

Jeff felt extremely sick in that moment and for a second he thought he would throw up. "Is there anything else?" he asked reluctantly.

"On the bright side you don't have any new cavities. However #14 is going to need a root canal eventually; probably within the next 10 years or so. Maybe not now but the sensitivity you described earlier leads me to believe it's going to cause problems. This is really common with deep fillings. However Jeff I do have another idea that I could offer you to avoid that."

Jeff was horrified with the news and eagerly nodded at her offer of another solution.

"I know that you're 19 Jeff but I'm still going to recommend braces to you. They're not as uncommon at your age as you'd think. Not only for cosmetic reasons but for health reasons. Your bite is really uneven and it has the potential to cause jaw issues, and I know it's not easy to maintain the health of your teeth when they're this crowded. I'm not an orthodontist but I know that with cases like yours you're going to need some teeth removed to make room for proper alignment. We typically take out the first premolars but with you I think it would make the most sense to take out all 4 of your first molars. You're extremely lucky because if you were to go with that option it would get rid of all of the teeth that are causing or have the potential to cause problems. Each one of your first molars have relatively deep fillings and two of them are already causing issues, and the other two I see needing to be replaced eventually because they don't look like they were done very well and I don't see them holding up long term," Dr. Rivera explained thoroughly. "I know that's a lot to follow but are you with me so far? How do you feel about that option?"

Jeff nodded eagerly in understanding, and he was honestly thrilled with the news. "Oh my god I never thought of that. So you're saying I could just get rid of the teeth that are causing issues because I don't need them anyway? I mean are you sure that I need 4 teeth removed for braces?"

"In my professional opinion I would recommend that, yes. Your mouth is small and there isn't enough room for proper alignment. That's why your teeth grew in like they did. Hypothetically if you were to try to go through with the orthodontic treatment without removing those teeth, if it even worked, your front teeth would jet out too far and I've seen cases like that and it's not aesthetically pleasing. If you want to go with this option Jeff I have an orthodontist in the area that I work with that I can recommend you to and in the meantime I can prescribe you some strong Ibuprofen for the tooth that's bugging you. You would come back to me for the removal of those teeth though, okay? But you would need to see the orthodontist first."

"I understand. Okay... I um– I mean that sounds like the best option. I don't know what to say." Obviously what she was recommending was the better option but getting 4 entire teeth pulled out of his face didn't sound like a walk in the park either.

"Hey Jeff I don't want you to worry. I know getting 4 teeth taken out probably sounds terrifying but I promise you if you go with that option you won't feel any pain, and if fear during the procedure is your concern there are ways to deal with it. Sedation is an option if you don't want to be awake, or I could give you a high dose of nitrous during the procedure to make you loopy enough to where you don't care. I can also prescribe something for anxiety the night before to help you sleep. We don't have to work out the details right this second but that's something to think about. Do you have any questions?"

Those options did make Jeff feel slightly better. "Yes actually. I've had nitrous before and it didn't help that much. I was still scared; my brain was just kind of fuzzy. Is a higher dose different?"

"Yes. The amount given for a filling or something relatively simple is different from what I would give you. I would give you a much higher dose. It would be enough to make you extremely loopy. You wouldn't be afraid I promise," Dr. Rivera assured.

Jeff still wasn't sure what option he would go with but he trusted her. "Okay. It looks like I'm going with the getting 4 teeth pulled out of my face option. You said I need to get an appointment with the orthodontist first?"

Dr Rivera laughed a little. "Yes Jeff. I'll give you the number along with the prescription for the strong Ibuprofen. Once you get in with the orthodontist and get their opinion we'll talk more about treatment details. I'm going to give you my work email too, or you can call the office if you need anything or have any additional questions. That's all. I'll give all of that information to you up front. You're free to leave now Jeff."

The rest of the appointment was just billing and things along the lines of that. Jeff left the office with Nick feeling a little better than he thought he would. The news wasn't great but the option Dr. Rivera suggested almost felt like a fresh start. There was still a lot to do but Jeff felt okay about it.

On the ride back home Nick kept glancing over at Jeff and grinned stupidly. "What?" Jeff finally asked. "Why do you keep looking at me like that?"

Nick laughed a little to himself. "I'm just proud of you. You're finally getting what you wanted."

"What do you mean?"

"I get that I'm a clueless nut most of the time but I do listen to you. I remember what you told me a while back about how you feel insecure about your teeth and I understand that when you told me that you were probably just too scared to do anything about it, and I understand that you're still probably scared, but this does sort of force you to do something about it. Today was a huge step and you're on your way to getting the confidence you deserve. I know that sounds cheesy but you did good today and hopefully the whole experience has helped you feel a little bit better about stuff like this."

Jeff couldn't help but smile at Nick's praise. This was probably the first time where he felt like Nick understood what he was feeling to an extent. "I appreciate that and I really appreciate you making me do this today. I'm sorry for freaking the fuck out earlier and I understand why you did what you did. You wouldn't have gotten me there if I knew what your true intentions were. Just never do it again."

"It's okay. You were just scared. I know today was hard on you but it did help me realize that I've been pretty insensitive about your fears. It's given me a little insight, you know? I wish you'd talk to me more about it though," Nick pondered.

Jeff visibly tensed at Nick's last statement. "Maybe I will eventually but I need time."

"Okay. That's fine. Can I ask you one thing though?"

"I guess so," Jeff replied reluctantly.

"Do you remember that day when we were messing around and I pinned you down? You panicked and then wouldn't tell me why," Nick started.

Jeff felt a lump in his throat because he knew what Nick would ask next. "I remember."

Nick had to think his words out carefully so this didn't come out wrong. "Did that have anything to do with... you know? Does it have anything to do with the same reason you were so scared today?"

Jeff swallowed hard at the question and it took a few seconds to find his voice. "It's stupid, Nick. Worse things have happen to people."

"Jeff what does that even mean? I wasn't asking about how your trauma compares to every other trauma in the world. Please just answer my question."

Jeff swallowed hard. "Yes, okay? It does, and that's why I couldn't tell you when the initial incident happened because it's stupid. It was so long ago, Nick. I was a little kid. I didn't even know that I remembered until you were holding me down and then I just panicked. It triggered a memory and, well you know how I reacted. I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Okay Jeff. I appreciate you telling me. I just wish you'd stop downplaying what happened. It's like you're not allowing yourself to recognize that whatever happened was traumatic; at least traumatic enough to give you a phobia that's carried into your adult life," Nick reprimanded lightly.

"I'll be okay. Please let's not talk about it anymore."

"Okay Jeff."

"Hey Nicky can I say something stupid?" Jeff prompted.

"Always."

"My teeth feel really clean," Jeff gushed. "This is going to sound disgusting but I can feel spaces in between my teeth that I didn't know were there. It's... weird."

Nick laughed and shook his head. "I would make fun of you but I understand. Your tongue isn't used to being able to actually feel your teeth or something. The feeling goes away."

"That's tragic. All of that effort to get through the cleaning and the clean feeling is gonna go away anyway. That's some shit," Jeff proclaimed.

"You're some shit."

"I have no idea how to interpret that but thank you."

* * *

 **A/N: Don't worry most of Niff's conversations aren't supposed to make sense anyway. Next is ortho stuff I guess? I have no idea how I'm going to write that because I don't have any firsthand experience with it. Uh... I mean I probably will eventually but I'm not good at being a responsible human and I'm in the process of trying to fix my life. And when I say my life I mean my face. I'm going to stop exposing myself now.**

 **I hope you all enjoyed this. As always I appreciate your reviews, and as always I'm going to beg for more because I'm desperate for approval. Did you guys like it? I work really hard and a lot of hours of work go into these stories and that's why they usually take so long to finish. Pls feed the review monster she's desperate and hungry.**


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